I've been playing with Reddit lately, which is all well and good. Sometimes I forget that the way I write is for others unapproachable. So after wanting to read this edited version to my sister I got part way through before she reminded me "Don't you have a blog for this?" She did direct me to an interesting forum as well which hopefully is a bit better than shooting blindly into a reddit barrel. Instead this gem gets to be immortalized here in all it's properly proofread glory.
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So I seem to be running into a wall when it comes to seeking mental health services. That is to say its a diagnostic problem. When I was five I got sucked into the Ritalin trials for ADHD. #thanksmom The medicine did not produce the desired result. I also recived a traumatic brain injury, which according to everyone I know changed my personality. (I was 8). To summarize my childhood and adolescence, I suffered through waaay too much trauma silently (car accidents, attempted murder, rape, violence, etc.)
Now my regular health took a bad turn in my late twenties. I had always ignored my mental health because that was a major issue for all my other family. Yet, I ended up with enough neuro-psychiatric symptoms that it had to be addressed. County mental health said the best place to start was as "Bipolar-NOS". Though the intake therapist was pretty adamant we would not end up with Bipolar as a end diagnosis. ("We have to peel away the bad habits you gained by living in a house with mentally ill people. Then we can see the real you."- County Therapist). Now when my regular health had to take the lead again I was put on a neuroleptic. I was no longer with a therapist. I had a rare and severe reaction to the medicine. My insurance also changed so I ended up at the same new therapist as my sister. Somehow it was never communicated to her that I was having a drug-induced psychotic episode, worsened by having to cold-turkey withdrawl. So onto my paperwork went a nearly identical diagnosis to my older sister.
[Bipolar I depressive-with psychotic features].
A similar excuse was also given to me. ("Thats not what you have but for billing purposes they will beleive it."-Sisters Therapist). Now onto my government paperwork for disability went a totally different set of diagnoses, after I finished my withdrawl syndrome. This was about 5 months later...
[Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia]
[Organic Brain Disease-Unspecified]
The new therapist never touched base with me again as to wether the new diagnose completly wiped the slate clean or if this "lets start at bipolar and see what happens" bullcrap is going to follow me until the day I die.
Whats even better is guess what I have two degrees in, Behavioral Health/Clinical Socialwork. There is no way as a witness to or even a short term caretaker for my sister that I will ever beleive we have the same disease. (I also have never fit the dsm-iv criteria). It's just baffling to see the same mistakes made everytime.
So I guess I just don't know how or if I should move forward with this? I would assume these people lied to my face but honestly I am happier now understanding my conditon as PD. I also have partial results from a beta blocker. It doesn't feel complete though, I just don't know if whats left should be handled as psychiatric.
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