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Yet another day where I am seeing propaganda posts about the realities of "other people". I can say it's very much a thing about controlling the masses through fear and distraction much as Karl Marx described. While South Park jokingly shows how well we have ads hidden in our news I do occasionally fall for the click bait phenomenon. Cracked! for one just did another article trying to address how misinformed people are about food assistance programs inside of a general poor people myths column.

Rather I'd like to explain to anyone in the universe who actually reads my personal blog here how being on assistance works for me. At first glance I am a republican's nightmare, a lifelong food assistance user. Except I did not set out to be that way. The social security system assumes that SNAP will provide a food subsidy to those on disability which is for the most part a permanent status. Yet food stamps is a state program and though it has to bend it's will to the government overlord it is not actually designed for the disabled. Every six months they require a review process meaning new copies of data including seeing into your bank account/social security records. While it annoys the hell out of us lifers since nothing ever has changed it does catch people who do abuse the system!

The most horrifying thing I ever heard from a classmate in college was that they saw a friend of a friend use her food stamps for Slurpees and candy every month, in fact she openly bragged about it. While I won't delve into the control what they buy debate, the problem was that she was a dependent student. Her parents paid tuition, her car, her rental home and a few thousand dollars in cash for fun every month. She got food stamps by lying and saying that she was an independent student. Apparently this wasn't a single case either.  Around the time I was becoming seriously disabled the State of Michigan issued a rule that students over 18 years old were banned from receiving benefits because of this. I myself was only allowed to continue on because I also gained disabled status which overruled the student contention.

Problems with food stamps don't end there. I've also been propositioned by others to buy their stamps  with cash or even had people wonder if I wouldn't sell mine. If you truly qualify then you need these benefits. Trading them for cash would be the last thing on your mind. Anyone wondering at this point about my opinion on the drug testing, I say "bring it on"! The problem with that is that the programs which have launched have wasted waaaaaaaay more money than sustainable for such a small result. This probably is varied depending on the state of course. Areas with high drug use and related crime would probably get more bang for their buck.

So if someone can agree with me that some people need assistance and that we want them to be supported then the next question is probably worrying what they are buying. I can certainly tell you that when I buy steaks it is cheap cuts under 5$ a piece. For the most part I have to stretch my small sum into 30 days of meals. This means I buy whatever proteins are on sale and from the least expensive store possible. Trader Joe's has been a new discovery for me because I have food allergies and they provide such safe qualities. They have amazingly priced single meals and sides. Essentially I would say a 2$ complete meal was built for people who only have food assistance.

When I do have excess, almost never, it goes into buying non perishable staples to fill my pantry. Having a pantry really helps when you can't make a meal otherwise. The true is however than I qualify for so little that for two people there is never enough. So I am certainly living like no king. The truth of food stamps is that "it is only expected to cover 30% of a monthly diet". This is why people constantly fail the food stamp challenge. If anyone you know seems to be living like a king on assistance then they probably don't deserve what they have.

Or they are Cartman who steals the skin off of other people's fried chicken.... then Kenny cries.

Butterscotch Pudding and the Canadian Devil

I think its hard enough to be a mother before you even get around to having guilt from personal choices effecting your child. I was a nasty sort after my parents divorced around 2002 and while I'd like to blame it all on crazy teenage hormones the brunt of my actions greatly affected my mother. It doesn't help that I've turned into one of those people that communicates best in written word so that I never have good answers for her when she wants to discuss our relationship.

Just this last week I commented to two of my old high school friends that are both mothers now. I guess it rather has me in the mood to be honest and dig deep. On top of that I've been doing my hobby work in genealogy along with writing a short quip on diversity. Today's reading focused mostly on issues of nationality which is one of the views I take of my mother. An article popped up yesterday of an open letter from a francophone Canadian to English speaking french descendants in the rest of Canada. In the open responses I was asked "Are you Canadian, Hannah?" All of this somehow has lined up in my mind to answer a question my mother posed to me about "how am I like her and what value she has to me?"

There is no real answer to a question like that of course because parents as I told one of my pregnant friends are so integral to the child's development. There can be no one thing that is wrong or right you did. Parenting is a lottery for which the payout is just as likely to be a resentful child. However this brings me to my point on how I would answer my mother. Her biggest contribution to me was not only her time and patience but also her identity and how her nationality shaped me. Having parents of two different nationalities even if I lived in the States has greatly benefited me as a person so this list is for you Mom!!

What my Canadian Mother Gave Me that no plain American Mother could: 

1. An obscene nostalgia for red maple leaves, and all things butterscotch.
2. The awareness of language especially regional dialects.
3. Subtle immersion into french culture that stems from Quebec, westward.
4. The ability to criticize blind patriotism by showing me two nations faults and gifts.
5. A revelry for classical Europe in all it's diverse glory.
6. Perfect memory of the first two lines of "Oh Canada!"
7. Expressions of different educational systems and a belief that opportunity lies ahead.
8. The experience of music be it old, new or foreign.
9. The ability to spend dollars in coin form and a reason to say "looney".
10. A sense of global culture and travel.
11. Sensitivity for the experience of foreigners, immigrants and even tourists.
12. The need to view family in their own cultural framework, not mine.
13. A place to feel at home and in wonder of it all at one time.
14. Biological connection to not only amazing different people but also different races.
15. The feeling of having a second home or somewhere to run to if I'm scared.
16. Something to laugh about myself at but still feel proud at the same time. 
17. Stories of adventures she had different yet not so different of mine yet to come.
18. Opportunity to see her youthful side whenever we went home together.
19. Awareness of the legality involved in adult life through her choice to not give up citizenship.
20. Lastly, simply a wonderful mother who I know gave me advantages above all else.

He's not your Friend, Buddy!!

So I've just gotten back from the Nuerologist with smooth sailing. While I expected to once again feel shafted by not seeing the Doctor himself and worse over having to pay a 100$ no-show fee for an appointment they asked me to reschedule...neither happened. There was no battle to the death about the bill. It was waived with a quick explanation and verification that I was rescheduled the day of my "missed" appointment. Though I didn't see the named doctor on the office title outside I did see the same Physician who sent me on my way to Dr. Sabir for Oncology/Hematology. This woman has a great manner about her even with my blabbering.

The nerve function results showed some difference in my Right/Left median nerve test but not enough to be dangerous or even worrisome. The brain lesions have had no change. They are still small and only two in the deep white matter of my left juxtacortical section. Apparently this is my parietal lobe and I have no idea what the actually might indicate except for being centered to the left I would assume affects my right side body functions. The next round of ANA was negative for Lupus which is about 5-6 tests in total.

So I've been given a set of instructions that will self destruct at the end of this message...just kidding. My sleep study is finally happening the end of this month which reminds me my sleep diary begins tonight. On Friday I will return to the Endocrinologist for a 'ye or nay' regarding my possible hormone disorder and insulin resistance. She also did a ultrasound of my thyroid which I believe was unremarkable due to it's size and featureless state. As I said in my last post I am Diabetes free which was a relief since meter strips are frighteningly expensive.

It seems we are down to two most likely causes of my symptoms, a relapsing form of MS or this familial nocturnal epilepsy from my grandmother's family. So I'm supposed to see an eye specialist for optic neuritis which might be pointless since I haven't had a worthwhile flare since I suddenly needed glasses. Otherwise it's just  more blood work, the sleep study , a 24hr EEG (if they can swing it with Medicaid) and a lumbar puncture of the first of February. I'm hoping something comes back obvious and positive so this mess can start working out.

I stupidly asked for an opinion on my graduate application materials recently only to find out that some of my family doesn't support education for disabled students. Not being able to work somehow equates taking up space for a real student. You might as well shoot a puppy in front of me. Perhaps they forgot I got my start in a Social work program. I am beginning to struggle again a bit in school but I almost have my Bachelor of Arts, which I plan on celebrating with a class ring that I always wanted from high school. Perhaps I will transfer back some credits to Macomb to finish out my AA. SW degree as well though it's fairly unnecessary since I have two associates already. All this over achievement is tiresome but I'm not where I want to be yet.


EDIT: Found an article about my specific type of lesions, http://www.ajnr.org/content/20/1/
They are linked to memory dysfunction in early stage MS patients. Interesting!

I'm not your buddy, Guy...

Well the good news came today as I met the Endocrinologist. I am diabetes free! The testing wasn't fruitless however. I have hyperuriceimia...with gout so they've put me on allopurinol. The bad thing is that my Liver enzymes require another specialist for Liver disease. At least I have an answer for this creepy briny feeling my skin gets along with some horrible arthritis which is the Gout.


I drove through Grosse Pointe to reach the doctors office in Detroit which was the wrong way for sure. I ended up barely on time but the appointment was very smooth. She is under the impression that not only could I have Hashimoto's Disease but that I have Insulin resistance. She also thinks from my blood results that due to other factors and my hormone levels that I have PCOS just like my older sister. This would explain so much. I've had two rupture scenarios in my teens and then a confirmed cyst that was 8cm at its largest in my early twenties.

The Gout not only explains my sore and swollen joints but also the surgeons remark regarding my kidneys that are probably suffering from the extra uric acid. Guess I'm baking in my own juices. I have to do some fancy Thyroid tests and a follow up for insulin but other than that the ball seems to be back on my Nuerologists side of the court. His appointment is on the 16 and I hope I can squeeze the sleep study in post holiday. My dreams have been racked with nightmares again. Bad enough I have to wake for fear of a damn heart attack. I wish holidays weren't do stressful. It's not helping my health at all having so many guests in the apartment.