Today I actually answered one of them. Did my severe Anemia ever almost kill me? The answer is actually, yes. While I personally believe it all started with the hemorrhage I had in a girls bathroom in seventh grade, it wasn't until high school when my thyroid disease kicked in hard that I began to be unable to replace my blood volume. So there I was mid-cardio on a starvation diet when I experienced what I had thought was a stroke. My arms and legs went numb and I became temporarily blind. I believe it lasted about five minutes before my sight returned. I just sat in silence scared out of my wits, but I could still hear so I knew I wasn't dead.
Apparently the term for this is "greyout" and it's number one cause is shock from blood volume loss. It was also in these last years of high school that I began my do anything for spare change campaign so that I could eat at least one meal a day. My freshman year was spent eating notebook paper to calm the wrenching feeling. I have serious food control issues today, and get panicky when a supply runs low. Controlling food was also something my parents did at home as well. Though they didn't do it maliciously, they just expected me from age six and on to figure out someway to eat for myself, unless it was a special occasion.
I think for the most part with medical problems I thought I was being a hero (i.e. John Wayne) by grinning and bearing it. There was also the childish part for sometime which was a fear of needles.I learned to pass that by taking what I call control of the situation, by watching the needle. Yet one has to recall that I had years of medical procedures forced on me. Now a few were necessary but I was more often than not, handled poorly. Even as a baby I was used as a guinea pig for nurses and new mothers to train on because of my size. "Large baby is a safe baby", mind you I had been allergic to my mother and fighting off her antibodies for nine months resulting in jaundice. I guess that makes needles my enemy from day one.
It became a circus however about my mouth after the car hit me in 1995. In fact I creep out my current dentist because I can almost sleep while they work on me. What can I say I got used to needles, sharps, drills and contraptions in my mouth. Indeed it was my original dentist who told me he saw signs of a heart condition in my gumline. Of course no one wants to believe that young people can have serious illnesses. As much as writing out all the medical woes and dangers that befell me would be cathartic its also far to negative to fully invest in, so moving on?
What I find my mind questions now is how and when my disabling condition really started. I think that will probably become clearer when a strict diagnosis can be made. Thus far we still only have a categorical one. Ankylosing spondylitis however, has peeked it's way to the top of the list thanks to my new eye syndrome. God bless lab verifiable symptoms. Yet I've had problems my whole life, are we really looking in the right spot. I mean it's taken so long I almost wonder if I am the hindrance. There are a few nonlinear occurrences that could be a cause, or at least maybe I need to use them to separate out my symptom timeline. What really put me on this path?
- The car accident in 1995 that may have left a TBI and spinal degeneration?
- The possible lyme infection I got when I was twelve after a girl scout camping trip?
- The nerve pain/leg dystonia I started getting when I was fifteen years old?
- The major dog bite I hid that could have led to sepsis?
- The second car accident where I developed a blood mass in my leg and cellulitis?
- The mild gangrene I got when I was nineteen and self cared?
- A drug induced reaction from an FDA approval pending medication?
- A pre-existing condition triggered by an environmental stimulant?
- Or a genetic disorder taking hold at a natural time?